I used to think that if I just tried a little harder, I would finally feel like a “good mom.”
I told myself: Just try harder to cook better meals. Try harder to stay patient when you’re exhausted. Try harder to do Montessori “the right way.” Try harder to look put together so no one suspects you’re struggling.
I felt this immense pressure to prove I was handling motherhood well—especially because I’m doing it far from home. But here is the truth I finally had to face: Trying harder was slowly breaking me.
The invisible weight we carry
No one actually needs to tell a mom to do better. We already wake up with a voice in our heads telling us we’re behind.
Somewhere along the way, we inherited this heavy idea of what a ‘good mom’ looks like—always calm, always giving, and never needing help. But living abroad with a toddler, far from the comfort of my own family, I’ve had to face the truth. That ‘perfect’ woman doesn’t exist. She was never made to reflect the reality of our tired eyes, our lack of a village, or our beautiful, imperfect lives.
Doing motherhood “right” (or so I thought)
When my child was born, I honestly believed I might be the exception. I would be emotionally available 24/7, cook every organic meal from scratch, follow every gentle parenting rule, and keep a spotless house. I mean…my breastfeeding moms were doing it, right?
But they were not showing the whole picture. And most of them weren’t doing it alone. Meanwhile, I had become “out-of-touch”, running on survival mode, and trying to meet standards that didn’t match my reality.
Motherhood without a village
Let’s talk about the thing nobody warns you about: Motherhood as an expat is a completely different game.
When you’re parenting in a foreign country:
- There’s no mom to “just drop by” and hold the baby so you can shower.
- There are no siblings coming over with a warm meal.
- There are no childhood friends who meet you without explaining yourself.
It’s a heavy realization when you look around and realize it’s just the two of you and a baby who needs 100% of your soul. Chasing that ‘perfect mom’ image in this survival mode isn’t just hard—it’s a lie. We weren’t meant to parent this way, and we certainly weren’t meant to do it perfectly.
The 2026 reset: lowering the bar
My “aha” moment didn’t happen at a spa. It happened on a messy, ordinary day. The baby was crying, the house was a wreck, I hadn’t eaten, and I caught myself thinking: “Why can’t I do this better?”
That’s when it hit me. The problem wasn’t me. The expectations were the problem.
So, for 2026, I’m choosing a different version of motherhood. Here is what I’m letting go of:
- The “Perfect Mom” Image: I’m done. A good mom isn’t always productive or happy. A good mom is human. She makes mistakes, she repairs them, and she shows up—even when she’s messy.
- High Standards (On Purpose): I’m lowering the bar to save my mental health. Simple meals are enough. A clean house is optional. Rest is a productive activity.
- The Need for Approval: I used to ask, “What will people think?” Now I ask, “Do I have the energy for this?” and “Am I okay?”
- The Guilt of Choosing Myself: A regulated, happy mother is a thousand times more important than a perfect routine. Choosing my mental health isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for my child.
Still exhausted, but finally free
I want to be honest: resetting my expectations hasn’t made motherhood “easy.” I’m still tired. I still forget where I put my keys. I still have days where everything falls apart.
But the difference? I don’t punish myself for it anymore.
I don’t see my exhaustion as a failure. I see it as proof that I am doing something incredibly demanding, often without the support system I was meant to have.
To the mom reading this…
If you are sitting there now feeling like you are falling behind or secretly wondering if you are just not cut out for this whole motherhood thing, I have been there. I have been there more times than I would like to admit. But if I could go back and whisper one thing to my past self it would be this: you do not need to try to be a better mom being a mom is what you are doing and that is what matters about motherhood. Motherhood is tough. I know that so you should just be a mom and that is it. You are already the mom that your baby needs. The thing is, you need to be a lot kinder to yourself. Being a mom is not about being perfect, it is about being there for your baby and that is exactly what you are doing. So try to be nicer, to yourself and remember that your baby loves you the way you are. You are the mom your baby needs. That is all that really matters.
In 2026, I promise to choose presence over pressure. Connection over performance. Reality over the image.
